Hijacking: The Great "Facial Tissue" Fiasco

(Disclaimer: This blog post is a hijacking, something I've wanted to do for a while, but hey, I feel it's time, and this is a justified topic. All opinions expressed in this post are those of the blogger's husband, and not those of the blogger, even if they should be because it's bloody common sense in this case)

There are certain things in life that just matter. They just do, it's a fact of life.

If you prefer a certain kind of car, for whatever reason, you are more than likely going to keep choosing that model or brand of car. It's what you like so you roll with it.

If you like foam pillows (for whatever misguided reasons you might have), you probably won't be able to deal with feather or down pillows, no matter how unbelievably comfortable they might be.

You might have a favorite type of ketchup, or mustard, or some other random condiment that you favor over another, and if push comes to shove and what you want isn't available, sure you might sink to the depths of depravity and use what's there, but that doesn't mean you have to like it, and can't sit there wanting your preference to be nearby.

So we come to the crux of our current fiasco. In addition to the sinus infection from Hell that won't go away, now my nose is running and I've caught some evil bug to make my life slightly more miserable (hopefully short-lived), and I'm at work. Google is fantastic, I love it here, but we have one greatly lacking amenity.

Our Kleenex (or "facial tissue" to be specific in this case") sucks.

Now, if you've never had the pleasure, and I use that word very lightly, of having to blow your nose into these things, well, you aren't missing much. It's like rubbing some 100-grit on your already distressed nose. It's not fun. Imagine the "toilet tissue" in a porta-potty at some big festival, and blowing your nose with it. That's what you get when you pull a Surpass brand "facial tissue" from it's evil demonic nondescript beige box of torture and press it to your face. It's just wrong. You are probably thinking to yourself, "Surpass? I've never heard of those before." These lovelies are a product of Kimberly-Clark Professional, and can be found via a quick web search where you also find they are made from at least "10% recycled consumer products", my guess is that 10% is directly from defective pads of 3M sandpaper, but I might be wrong.

I expressed my utter displeasure with the Surpass brand "facial tissue" to my wife, and she MOCKS me for my family's undying preference to Puffs tissues. Is wanting something that doesn't feel like sandpaper against my nose such a bad thing in all honesty? Is having a preferential brand of anything so horrible that one would be mocked as whining? Can't a man want a stupid specific type of facial tissue (normal Puffs, no lotion, those are just slimy and vile). I think not.

So tomorrow, if the Great Sinus Flood of March '09 has not stopped already, there will be a box of plain old Puffs tissues on my desk and I can banish the Surpass back to the depth of whatever Hell they originated from. I'm sure my wife will continue to brand me a whiny $@%*&, but I say good riddance.