Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Random Christmas Thoughts

1. If your husband ever goes out of town, make sure the tree is up BEFORE he leaves. Do not kid yourself into thinking you can do it.

2. Putting up a tree that easily weighs half as much as you do is damn hard work.

3. No one knows how pine needles got in your pants. Just go with it.

4. Why bake cookies from scratch when God invented break-and-bake?

5. You may or may not piss off your neighbors if you are out on your porch at ten p.m. cutting the bottom few inches off of your Christmas tree. You will feel bad about this, but it can't be helped.

6. When in doubt, drag the whole damn tree inside the house, toss it down sideways on your coffee table on an old blanket, and saw the holy noel out of that baby.

7. Understand that somewhere when your mother reads this, she will laugh at you because when she asked you if the guy at the tree lot sawed the bottom off the tree for you, you lied and told her yes because you needed a minute to cover up the fact that you didn't know what in the hell she meant. (For those of you who read my blog regularly, we decided not to use our Charlie Brown tree that we hauled down from the woods all by ourselves. Our landlord asked if someone left it at our house as a joke. Not funny. But it made a great blog and I'm sure we'll do it again next year.) So anyway, sorry ma - now I know what you meant - and why we always hid for an hour from Dad while he got the tree into the stand every year.

8. When putting a Christmas tree into a Christmas tree stand, the tree appearing to be straight and actually BEING straight are two completely different things.

9. The damn tree doesn't need lights. You've done enough.

10. Your children can be kept busy for a minimum of two hours with one pair of safety scissors, a roll of wrapping paper from the dollar store, and seventy six rolls of tape. You just have to make sure you smile excitedly when you open Pinky the fuzzy whale for the eleventy-billionth time.

11. You've bought your kids enough. Stop worrying. No really. Stop worrying.

12. You've bought your mother enough. Stop worrying about that too.

13. Christmas Day in Oregon really shouldn't be too much different than Christmas Day in Illinois. I mean sure you'll miss everyone, but you can make tacos anywhere.

14. It is dificult to balance a twenty one pound baby on one hip and a seventeen pound package on the other while walking through the rain to the post office. It makes me thankful for good friends who watch my girls for me.

15. Christmas lights rock.

16. Christmas movies rock.

17. The squirrel jumping out of the tree in National Lampoon's Christmas vacation will ALWAYS be funny.

18. Your children will never get tired of asking how many days are left until Christmas.

19. There is a damn good reason that numerous holiday treats are made with copious amounts of alcohol.

1 comment:

Marcy said...

Hi Girl,
It's Marcy over in Idaho. I picked up on your blog through emails from Chicago. So glad I did. I check in every few days and read them. Gotta love it. Your blog about papa's made me cry. I know it totally sucks and it's not fair. So, that is why I want you to consider coming over here for Christmas. Let Uncle Mike fill that void for the kids anyway. If you don't already have plans, please think about it. We have an entire basement with bedrooms and bathroom just waiting. It's really not that far over here. It would be so nice to have more family around during the holidays. You know Mike has a hard time some days too. He really misses your dad. Oooh, it would be so good this holday season to be all together. Please talk to Charles and let me know.
Love Marcy